Hearing 'No' and Learning to like it

“I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.” 

-       Winston Churchill

One of the first words that children learn is ‘No’.  This isn’t because the parents are terrible.  The fact is that there are many instances where ‘No’ is the right answer.  No, you can’t have everything you want in the store.  No, you can’t stay out all night long.  No, you can’t have the toy your sibling has.  No, life isn’t fair.

Just because we end up hearing this word a lot, doesn’t mean that we learn to like it.  Well, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but you will likely hear ‘No’ a lot during the job transition. 

• I’m sorry, but we have a few other candidates with more applicable experience.

• After careful consideration, we have decided not to move forward with your application.

• We have decided not to fill this position at this time, and therefore we are ending our job search.

• Etc, etc, etc.

No matter how it is phrased.  It still is a kick in the teeth.  Getting those messages has you start to second guess your worth and the probability that you will land a position.  You must learn to embrace the ‘No’.  

If you have ever been in sales, this is a good time to channel some of those lessons.   “Every ‘no’ just means that a ‘yes’ is closer.”   This is a phrase used to motivate front line salespeople with the promise that there are statistics and probabilities at work.  When you get a ‘no’, then from a probability stand-point that means that you are closer to a ‘yes’. 

This is relatively easy to say, but the living with the reality is harder.  I put this question to ChatGPT and this is what it told me:

“It can be really tough to keep hearing "no" during a job search. Here’s what you might say to someone in that situation:

1. Acknowledge Their Feelings: "I can imagine how discouraging it must be to keep hearing 'no.' It's completely normal to feel frustrated."

2. Reframe the Situation: "Every 'no' is one step closer to the right opportunity. It means you're one step closer to finding the job that's the perfect fit."

3. Encourage Reflection: "Maybe this is a chance to reflect on your approach. Sometimes adjusting your resume, cover letter, or interview technique can make a big difference."

4. Highlight Their Strengths: "Remember all the skills and experiences you bring to the table. Your right opportunity is out there, and it’s just a matter of time before it aligns."

5. Promote Persistence: "The job search can be a long and challenging process, but persistence is key. Keep applying, networking, and refining your approach."

6. Offer Support: "If you’d like, I can help review your resume or do a mock interview. Sometimes a fresh perspective can be helpful. It’s important to remind them that setbacks are a part of the journey, and that persistence and adaptability often lead to success.”

   
   

The message here is to be ready for it.  Prepare yourself and, ultimately, you will need to embrace the ‘No’.  Being removed from a company’s job search is not an indictment of yourself…it simply means that you were not, in their estimation, the best candidate for their position in their company at this time.  Despite how strongly you might dispute their position, you need to hear the words, breathe and then believe that you are destined for another opportunity that will fit you better. 

It also means that you are going to have to have a support system in place to talk through these situations.  Who can you trust to listen while you vent on these situations?  Who will not be judgmental, but will give you support?  Who is willing to invest some time with you in talking you off the ledge?   These people are going to be hard to find and like gold to you.  Find them, use them strategically and ultimately gird yourself to go into battle and expect a number of ‘No’s in the journey.